Contentment Is Not Settling
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about contentment. Not the kind of contentment where you stop dreaming, stop growing, or stop believing God for more. I'm talking about the kind of contentment that comes when you finally stop fighting where your feet are planted. For years, I thought contentment and settling were the same thing. I thought if I was content, then maybe I wasn't pushing hard enough. Maybe I wasn't ambitious enough. Maybe I wasn't praying big enough prayers. Maybe I had gotten comfortable. But I have learned something over these last few months. Contentment is not settling.
Contentment is being able to look at your life exactly as it is and still say, "Thank You, Lord." Not because everything is perfect. Not because every prayer has been answered. Not because all the bills are paid off. Not because every relationship worked out. Not because there are no problems. But because God has been faithful.
I turned 42 years old this year and when people asked me what I was doing for my birthday, the truth is I didn't do much of anything. I rested. I stayed home. I spent time with my children. I visited my mom. I answered a few phone calls and texts. I thanked God. And I was content. That may sound boring to some people, but for me it was beautiful.
For so many years I spent my life moving. Working. Fixing. Helping. Building. Surviving. Carrying responsibilities. Trying to make sure everybody else was okay. Trying to make sure the bills got paid. Trying to make sure the children had what they needed. Trying to make sure I didn't let anybody down. Somewhere along the way I forgot how to simply be.
This year felt different. Not because my life is perfect. Trust me, it isn't. I still have responsibilities. I still have goals. I still have things I am believing God for. I still have areas where I need wisdom, growth, and direction. But something shifted in me. I realized that my peace is valuable. My relationship with God is valuable. Clarity is valuable. Rest is valuable. And I am no longer willing to trade those things for noise, confusion, chaos, or the opinions of people who don't understand where God has brought me from.
One of the greatest blessings of this season is that I have stopped feeling like I have to prove myself. For years I carried the weight of not feeling good enough. I worked harder. I pushed harder. I overextended myself. I thought if I did enough, achieved enough, helped enough people, maybe I would finally feel enough. But enough was never found in achievement. Enough was found in God.
The truth is there will always be another goal, another accomplishment, another thing to buy, another place to go, another title to earn. But if your soul is restless, none of those things will satisfy you. What I have found is that peace is priceless. Knowing God is priceless. Being able to lay your head down at night and know that you have done your best and trusted God with the rest is priceless.
The older I get, the more I realize that life is not about avoiding problems. Life is going to happen. There will be trials. There will be disappointments. There will be heartbreaks. There will be moments when things don't go according to plan. The question is not whether life will happen. The question is how will you go through it? Will you go through it bitter? Will you go through it angry? Will you go through it fearful? Or will you go through it trusting God?
I am learning that peace is not the absence of problems. Peace is knowing that God is bigger than every problem. Peace is understanding that in this world we will have trials and tribulations, but being of good cheer because He has already overcome the world. Peace is understanding that I can't, but I serve a God who can.
Today I am content. Not because I have everything I want, but because I have everything I need for this season. My bills are paid. My children are doing well. My family is healing. My heart is at rest. Most importantly, I know God for myself. Not what somebody told me. Not what I read in a book. I know Him through experience. I know Him as a keeper. I know Him as a provider. I know Him as a comforter. I know Him as a Father.
Contentment is not settling. Contentment is trust. Contentment is gratitude. Contentment is knowing that while there may still be more ahead, God has already been better to you than you could have ever imagined. When I look back over my life, through every hardship, every disappointment, every closed door, every tear, every lesson, and every victory, all I can honestly say is thank You, Lord.